Thoughts Lately

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I've been avoiding the social media world the last few weeks. I needed a break, partly because I'm weary of the political strife, but mainly because time needs to be spent elsewhere. I've been working on home projects with my mother-in-law, reorganizing Kurt and my belongings, job hunting and reading books that've sat far too long. Big moves and transitions make one thing apparent: life moves quickly. More than ever I want to spend it wisely.

I recently read a blog post by someone I greatly respect, he spoke of the importance of being engaged in life. He questioned "what it means to remain observant and present in a world of such overwhelming fragmentation and distraction", and it really struck a cord with me. How often I realize that I spent more time engaging with content on Facebook, a blog or my phone than the very people in front of me or the beauty surrounding me in literature, nature or even a good plate of food.

I want to engage life in such a way that I'm being fed, deep down - physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'm learning too, that only then do I have anything worthwhile to share here on this blog or anywhere, for that matter. So if I'm more quiet, it's because I'm trying to learn the balance of engagement. I want to relish my first autumn in the midwest, read more than I write and invite people over for dinner (in the home we hope to have soon).

Michaela Rae

Obedience > Emotion

This week I've been convicted of relying on emotional motivation to act like the Christian I claim to be.

Perhaps my charismatic upbringing taught me that emotion should be the force that drives me to action. Or maybe humans are just like that because obedience is something you learn and have to practice while emotion comes naturally.

Although there's nothing intrinsically wrong with having an emotion drive you to something, we all know our emotions can be faulty. They all to often drive us in the wrong direction and some emotions tend to trump other good ones. I can't count the number of times fear has overcome my feelings of compassion or joy. That's why I've never been an advocate of the phrase "follow your heart." All it really means is do whatever you feel like at the moment, even if it's a horrendous relational or financial mistake. I don't even want to think what my life would be like if I lived by that motto. But I guess that brings me to my realization, many days I get lazy, rebellious and fearful and I do live by it.

Surely, I'm not alone in this. At some point we've all identified with Paul in Romans 7, "What I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do".

I don't want a heartbreaking news article about a woman killing her 20 week old twins to be what wakes me up to the hurting around me. It shouldn't take a Vimeo movie set to moving music to ignite compassion in me. But how often it does and then one of two things happen: I'm entirely unprepared in helping or I simply wait for another emotion to distract me so that I don't have to deal with it.

Tonight I'm asking myself questions about obedience and I'm wondering what my life would look like if I practiced more of it. And quite frankly, I'm intimidated. I feel like I'm at the starting line and I have no idea how far until the finish. I don't know what types of hurdles are ahead or who will be there to cheer me on.

I want the Church to be there. Not cheering from the stands, but as they jump the hurdles with me. Rain or shine, PMS or health, we can help one another in making our life motto this:

"I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me —the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace." Acts 20:24

Michaela Rae

On Consumption Control and Living Fully

by Matthew Taylor Wilson

Yesterday I sat on my couch for several hours feeling pretty low. It kind of caught me by surprise, especially because I just spent a fun filled week with a visiting friend. I was just resting and doing a few things online when it dawned on me: I feel like crap.

I'm sure other women (and possibly men, if any dare to read my blog), can identify with me when I say that mood-swings can be mind-boggling. Why was I feeling good an hour ago and now I want to hide for a week?

Since moving here, the mood-swings seem more prevalent, which doesn't really surprise me, given the new adjustments and that I miss home, but it still annoys me. Sometimes I view emotion as weakness (working on that) and even when I don't, I still like to have self-control and not be thrown around by how I feel.

I decided to figure out why I was having this mood-swing. I did the whole trace-the-conversation-back-to-see-how-we-got-here thing, and in a matter of seconds I had it pegged.

Social media.
Facebook.
Photos.
Blogs.
Browsing.

And coupled with them all: poor self-talk.

I think it's kind of ironic that I ended my last blog post by saying I wouldn't be throwing myself any more pity parties, because that's exactly what this was.

I was viewing snippets of people's lives and feeling sorry for myself. Even if people don't share things with the intention of saying, "hey look, I have it all, and I have it all together." it's still really easy to take that away. I can't blame people for posting positive things online, I sure prefer it over constant complaining, but I can choose to control the amount of happy-go-lucky content I consume.

Why? Because it's not (total) reality. And God knows, we humans tend to take things at face value and not think critically about what we consume. And when that happens we compare ourselves to others. And then we have mood-swings.

Furthermore, if I'm too busy following the lives of others, I won't live my own. I want to be so busy living life and loving others that I barely have time to read blogs or pin pictures. Isn't that what God's called us to? A full life? A full life of our own.

I feel self-concious writing this post, but I'm going out on a limb and assuming I'm probably not alone in this. Perhaps this will come as an encouragement to you.

You are not alone. What you are doing matters. Even if you don't have a job. Or you can't go on mommy-daughter dates. Or you aren't on the mission field. Or you don't eat organic. Especially if you're a stay-at-home mom.

You are highly valuable and always, completely loved for who you are.

Michaela Rae

Sunday Reflections on Church

Old Church in Dunlap, Missouri, via Robert Huffstutter 

I grew up in a hippy home church. Well, that's how I like to describe it. Just a handful of us coming together to sing hand-clapping, foot-stomping, praise songs. I learned so much from growing up in the home church environment and from an early age, I understood what living a Christian life was and how to do it practically.

When I moved to California in 2010, Kurt and I began looking for a church to attend together. Besides a youth group I'd attended at another church, it was my first time venturing away from my non-denominational home church roots. It was tough for me. I quickly discovered that my biggest battle was against my own judgementalness (why isn't that word?).

I found myself sitting in church with tears running down my face, mainly out of my own frustration with not knowing how to process the experience. I'd never recited the Nicene or Apostles' Creed, only sung a handful of hymns and didn't understand why pastors wore robes. But that wasn't the main thing I noticed; I noticed that I despised these things even though I'd never experienced them and didn't understand them. Perhaps I despised them for those very reasons.

I was also frustrated at myself for allowing church to be the place I was most judgmental. Why did I categorize so much of what I saw as "silly"? Was I just insecure about my lack of knowledge or did I really think deep-down that something about these things was wrong?

I've come to realize it was a lot of the first and a little of the latter.

I started, as many non-believers do, at the beginning: by doing research to discover the reasoning behind the things the church does and whether there's truth to them. I'm still not a fan of pastors wearing robes or Christians wearing their denomination's symbol as a pin on their Sunday best, but I have grown to love and appreciate many other aspects of a more traditional church. 

Hymns, for example, have revolutionized my Christian walk. I still have difficulty singing them and wish I didn't have to rely so heavily on the hymnal, but that's nothing in light of how they've impacted my life over the last two years.

I love that hymns don't try to match our ever-changing culture. They weren't created to please the young person or draw non-believers in, they were written to bring glory and honor to Whom it's due. Reading hymn lyrics and learning the stories behind them has really taught me to love them. They are so rich and have much to offer musically, lyrically and historically. Their beauty resembles the beauty of the King I serve, their lyrics speak deep Christian truths and their history reminds me of the body of Christ that I'm part of. Trust and Obey, Be Still My Soul and Abide With Me, are three of my favorites.

I'm not exactly sure why I sat down to write this post. I suppose I wanted to say that being judgmental really stunts spiritual growth. I'm still learning this daily, but I'm so happy I am. And I also want to say, that despite many failings on the church's part throughout history, that there's still a lot to be proud of and to learn from it. We shouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water when it comes to tradition. We're a part of something bigger than ourselves - an eternal community - that's rich and powerful.

Michaela Rae

I Married a Visionary, What Now?

I love and often aspire to my husband's enthusiasm for life. I think it's one of the most attractive traits a person can possess. I often tell Kurt he's like a little kid, he finds awe in the simple beautiful things in life, things I often overlook. He's also never short on ideas. One week he's talking about moving to South Haven, Michigan to start a Bible college and the next he's google mapping the best location to open a Subway restaurant. On the radar this week? Having an orchard. This one's my personal favorite. When I asked Kurt if he was ok with me writing this post, he said, "Yeah of course, maybe someone will want to invest." (I have no idea which project he was referring to.)

I've heard it said, that the very things you fall in love with can often become the ones that rub you the wrong way. And over this first year of marriage I've found that saying true at times. Amid Kurt's excitement for life and its possibilities, I've found myself trying to take on the roll of bringing earth to Kurt. I haven't enjoyed it, but I've felt it necessary for some reason. After all, life isn't rainbows and butterflies all the time. There's possible failure around every corner. Right?

Yikes, well that reveals a little too much about me. Let's go there anyway. Yes, I'm one of those people who's too hard on themselves. Sometimes I'm so afraid of failure that I don't even try. Thinking on this, I'm reminded of the Martha and Mary story in the Bible. The problem wasn't that Martha wanted to cook Jesus a nice meal, it was that she thought it'd be the end of the world if the bread was burnt. My point is, I too often mistake the tree for the forest.

Thankfully, I've been blessed enough to marry a man who loves the forest and he's always trying to find a new tree to climb.

So this week I've been asking myself some pointed questions. Do I trust God? Do I trust my husband? Do I believe God wants us to enjoy life? Will it be the end of the world if a business venture fails? What does it mean to "build each other up"? What is my role as Kurt's wife?

One thing's become clear: I need to relax. It isn't my job to be Kurt's disciplinary. That's God's job and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want me to usurp it. Certainly Kurt and I should hold each other accountable, but we should also encourage and spur each other on! That's when we flourish. That's why marriage is so beautiful, it's about partnership and commitment even in the face of failure. It's a reminder of Jesus's commitment to us.

Jesus didn't come to earth, die for our sins and promise us eternal life for us to sit on our couch all day, too afraid to adventure. He's called us to climb trees, to have a child-like spirit, and to believe in ourselves. God likes it when we take risks.

Kurt pinching my button nose as he always does.

Michaela Rae

Easter Post (or lack there of)

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I was going to write an Easter post. I wanted to explain how learning to celebrate Jesus's resurrection has transformed my life, how I've felt the lonely hopelessness of Saturday and experienced the redemption and joy of Sunday. Alas, words escape me. 

Thankfully not for others. I highly recommend these:

Ann Voskamp's entire Holy Week series, start with Part 1. 

Easter Saturday by Brett McCracken

I hope you enjoy celebrating the Resurrection Day of our Savior! I sure am humbled and grateful.

Love's redeeming work is done, Alleluia!
Fought the fight, the battle won; Alleluia!
Vain the stone, the watch, the seal; Alleluia!
Christ hath burst the gates of hell: Alleluia!

Michaela Rae

Valentines in Bath

I hope you all had a lovely Valentines day! I always enjoy the extra reason to make cards for friends and family and do something fun with my man. This year was especially sweet for me, not only was it my first a married Valentines (which in my opinion, is worlds more fun) but Kurt and I went on an adventure. Early Monday morning we left the city for a two day getaway to Bath. What a beautiful place! The town is surrounded by rolling green hills and River Avon twists through it. We did some touristy things - the Roman Baths, Bath Abbey and the Jane Austen Centre - but mostly we just wandered, ate French pastries/desserts (Mille Feuille is incredible) and enjoyed being away from the hustle and bustle of London. It was so refreshing!

We climbed 212 steps to the top of Bath Abbey

Our favorite discovery was Patisserie Valerie.

The massive Crescent

Now we have Easter to look forward to (unless you're a big St. Patty's observer). Growing up my family, although Christian, never put much emphasis on Easter. In recent years though, the celebration of Easter has meant more to me. Without the resurrection, Christianity would mean nothing. And boy am I thankful for a Savior.

I'm curious, do you observe Lent? I never have, but am considering it this year. As my sweet former housemate said on her blog recently, "I want to give up an unnecessary thing that I have come to believe is necessary. Something I turn to for comfort, entertainment or solace instead of turning to God." So if you do observe it, I'm curious how it's helped you.

Michaela Rae

High Tea with Friends

Daffodils Kurt brought me, all open and basking in the sun.

Scones with clotted cream & jam.

Valentine cupcake

Our little fuzzy, overly backlit, group photo. Makes me smile.

I met with friends today for my first High Tea. They taught me all their ways with tea, crumpets, lemon curd, scones, cupcakes, butter and clotted cream. It was delightful! And while we were chatting and sipping our tea, I had a euphoric moment: I'm in England, having tea with four lovely British friends. How cool is my life? As if living in London and eating tasty things isn't enough, I have friends. It makes me smile, sometimes sheepishly, to think how faithful God is. Even though I can be down on myself at times and think I'm no good at taking initiative and building friendships, everywhere I go, in just a matter of time, I see God bless me with them. 

Although this is just a season, by golly five months have already flown by, I know these friendship are eternal. So are the friendships I made in California last year. And the ones in Florida and Chicago. Even though things change and time ticks on, friendships don't have to end. Comforting isn't it?

I hope you're enjoying your Saturday and feel so so loved. 

Michaela Rae

Friday Confessions

via Pinterest

This morning, while Kurt washed the dishes (the pans and utensils, the ones I hate; I wash the bowls and cups, the ones he hates) and I made my coffee, we reminisced about home. Every now and then we let ourselves get carried away. We whimper and moan about there being no Cracker Barrel here (even though we didn't even eat there that often) and like proper narrow-minded Americans say how everyone here is stupid because they drive on the wrong side of the road and call pants trousers and underwear pants (resulting in too many awkward moments to count).

But in all seriousness, I really do miss Cracker Barrel.

I miss driving. I loved the freedom of being able to say "I'm going to x" and "I'll be back at x o'clock."

I miss drying machines. Oh for the day I won't have to hang our clothes out all over our living room on strange contraptions. Old timey cuteness? Yeah, I enjoyed that idea the first week. Now I'm over it.

I miss dish washers. Although I mainly grew up without one, I never thought I'd have to return to such dire conditions. I'd gladly return to the who's going to load and who's going to unload argument over who's going to wash and who's going to hand dry.

I miss Jiffy, Betty Crocker, and other box mixes. Yes, I'm learning to bake and post about it often, but what about those days I don't want to bake? What about when I'd rather throw it together 10 minutes before the guests arrive?

And writing these things out has accomplished exactly what I figured it might. I feel foolish and spoiled. I have a sheepish grin on my face. Did I really just admit that I complain about these things when I still have clean running water, a heated flat and an abundance of food within walking distance? And when I'm back in the US, what will I complain about then? Probably the cost of gas, the wait at Cracker Barrel and the electric bill that's been run up by the dryer and washing machines.

Hi, my name is Michaela and I'm spoiled.

Please feel free to follow my footsteps by posting a sheepish comment about the things you're spoiled over and have complained about this week. You'll feel more blessed in the end - I sure do. Besides, I'd appreciate seeing I'm not alone. ;)

Michaela Rae

Hospitality

"Home" is often used to refer to the place where we live or grew up - whether house, city or country. But today when I began to reflect on what "home" means to me, I realized it's also much greater than simply that. Home is where I belong, not temporarily, but permanently. And when I think of home in that light, it changes everything, especially my idea of hospitality.

Christians often talk about helping bring God's Kingdom, that place where we belong, on earth. And although hospitality is a new endeavor for me, I think my home is a good place to start.

The idea of being hospitable can be pretty intimidating. My gut instinct is to go into perfectionist mode - cleaning, baking, fluffing pillows! But that's not what hospitality is about (although, it's certainly part). Hospitality's about creating a physical place and atmosphere that resembles our eternal home. A place of friends, safety and rest. It's definitely not a place created by fake perfection. Rather, authenticity, vulnerability and worthiness help establish and maintain it. I don't know about you, but I definitely want those things to resinate in my home.

My most cherished memories are of feeling at home with brothers and sisters. Those times in college when we talked on comfy couches late into the night about any and everything. Conversations where we didn't hold back. We put ourselves, along with our deepest questions and concerns, on the table. We were honest and felt safe in it. We also weren't consumed with how often our glass was being filled or when the ceiling fan was last dusted (although those things are nice).

And isn't real fellowship one of the things that makes Christianity most appealing? That we could be fully known and still loved? Isn't it the desire we all share down deep? Isn't it the reason we blog, go to church or invite people over to begin with? And if not, isn't it what we want our reason to be?

Hospitality is at the core of Christianity. And it's not just for married women. It's for all of us, single or married, male or female, rich or poor, fancy home or tiny flat. Why? Because God's Kingdom was created for all of us and should be ushered in by us.

Michaela Rae
P.S. Last week I added Kurt and my love story here. Just incase you're in a sappy mood. ;)

Here's to 2011, Here's to 2012!

"Not only are we harried by time, we seem unable, despite a thousand generations, even to get used to it. We are always amazed at it - how fast it goes, how slowly it goes, how much of it is gone. Where, we cry, has the time gone? We aren’t adapted to it, not at home in it. If that is so, it may appear as a proof, or at least a powerful suggestion, that eternity exists and is our home.” 

- Sheldon Vanauken

Isn't it true? Here we are, the last day of a year, and once again I can't believe how quickly time has gone. 2011 has meant so much to me and always will. It's hard to sit down and conger up a fitting post to sum the year up - there are so many memories. The two most obvious being that I married my best friend in May and then moved to London in September. It's not every year that those sort of things happen. 2011 will also stick with me because it was the year I lost my first grandparent. Papa Toot was quiet and gentle and always kind. A really loving and generous man. Although 2011 marks the year we lost him, it also marks an extra year we had him; he lived two years longer than the doctors predicted. As of two nights ago, 2011 also meant new life in my family, my new baby nephew entered the world. I'm a happy auntie x2 now. :-) Here's to 2011!

I love all the ways the year pushed me to live fully - whether in great joy, sadness, change or hectic times - I've learned to love a little bit more. Here's to going forward in growth and never going back. Here's to 2012! I hope you all have a most blessed night and day tomorrow reflecting on all the things God has done for you and anticipating the year ahead.

Michaela Rae

Does God Exist Debate

Methodist Central Hall

This week I attended a debate titled, Does God Exist?. Arguing for the existence of God was William Lane Craig. You may have heard of him; he's a well known philosopher, theologian and apologist. I'd met him a couple of times and Kurt took a class with him at Biola. Philosopher Stephen Law, argued against God's existence. It was my first time going to a debate and I found it really intriguing. I want to share a few after-thoughts on the whole thing.

I think Christians are often turned off by the idea of debating, especially when the debate is about Christianity. I myself was a bit skeptical of it's proper place (if any) when I first met Kurt. Kurt's passionate about apologetics and would tell me about different debates he attended or had read. It puzzled me at first because I think as Christians we often feel we're treading on thin ice. We know we're called to witness and that in doing so it's extremely important to rightly represent Christ. This responsibility can be really intimidating! I, and I'm sure others, am often concerned that I'll offend or push away non-believers if I don't witness in just the right way. It's true that some people respond to certain types of witnessing better than others. But I've found myself trying to run an analysis on each person I meet in order to determine which type of witnessing approach I should take - direct, kind of direct, or very indirect (through example). The truth is, I often spend so much time trying to figure out how I should witness that I never actually witness (directly that is). I'm only left to wonder/hope that my example left some sort of impression.

If there's one thing I was reminded of by attending the debate, it's that people want their biggest questions directly addressed (the enormous Methodist Central Hall was completely packed). And this has been the case for thousands of years. The disciples spent a lot of time directly addressing concerns regarding Christianity and defending it (think Paul, and Luke 1:1-4). What makes that even more impressive, is that the disciples didn't have access to some of the information we have today, say the New Testament, for example. Yes, they'd seen Jesus' work with their own eyes (which I'm sure was a huge source of motivation), but we also have the completed Bible and thousands of years of historical evidence at our finger tips. Not to mention, the Holy Spirit to empower us.

Perhaps growing up in Bible-belt South had a poor effect on me in that I didn't realize the importance of being able to "give a defense" for the hope I have (1 Peter 3:15). Perhaps the world in general has become pre-occupied with tip-toeing around everyones' "raw spots." Perhaps we don't really believe there are good answers to whether or not the universe has an infinite existence or why animals die in wild fires every year. Maybe Christians are just lazy. Or are we afraid of learning; do we think we're incapable of knowing (certainly not everything can be known, but a lot can, that's how God created us)? Do we blame it on lack of time?? That'd be absurd.

These are some things I'm thinking about. I'd love to hear your thoughts as well.

I'll leave you with this fitting verse, 1 Peter 3:14-16.

But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. 

MJ

Link up to my sister's Try New Adventures blog post with your adventure this week.

P.S. I gave my blog a bit of a face-lift for fall :-). What do you think?