I love and often aspire to my husband's enthusiasm for life. I think it's one of the most attractive traits a person can possess. I often tell Kurt he's like a little kid, he finds awe in the simple beautiful things in life, things I often overlook. He's also never short on ideas. One week he's talking about moving to South Haven, Michigan to start a Bible college and the next he's google mapping the best location to open a Subway restaurant. On the radar this week? Having an orchard. This one's my personal favorite. When I asked Kurt if he was ok with me writing this post, he said, "Yeah of course, maybe someone will want to invest." (I have no idea which project he was referring to.)
I've heard it said, that the very things you fall in love with can often become the ones that rub you the wrong way. And over this first year of marriage I've found that saying true at times. Amid Kurt's excitement for life and its possibilities, I've found myself trying to take on the roll of bringing earth to Kurt. I haven't enjoyed it, but I've felt it necessary for some reason. After all, life isn't rainbows and butterflies all the time. There's possible failure around every corner. Right?
Yikes, well that reveals a little too much about me. Let's go there anyway. Yes, I'm one of those people who's too hard on themselves. Sometimes I'm so afraid of failure that I don't even try. Thinking on this, I'm reminded of the Martha and Mary story in the Bible. The problem wasn't that Martha wanted to cook Jesus a nice meal, it was that she thought it'd be the end of the world if the bread was burnt. My point is, I too often mistake the tree for the forest.
Thankfully, I've been blessed enough to marry a man who loves the forest and he's always trying to find a new tree to climb.
So this week I've been asking myself some pointed questions. Do I trust God? Do I trust my husband? Do I believe God wants us to enjoy life? Will it be the end of the world if a business venture fails? What does it mean to "build each other up"? What is my role as Kurt's wife?
One thing's become clear: I need to relax. It isn't my job to be Kurt's disciplinary. That's God's job and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want me to usurp it. Certainly Kurt and I should hold each other accountable, but we should also encourage and spur each other on! That's when we flourish. That's why marriage is so beautiful, it's about partnership and commitment even in the face of failure. It's a reminder of Jesus's commitment to us.
Jesus didn't come to earth, die for our sins and promise us eternal life for us to sit on our couch all day, too afraid to adventure. He's called us to climb trees, to have a child-like spirit, and to believe in ourselves. God likes it when we take risks.
|Kurt pinching my button nose as he always does.|