Ellie Mae's Arrival (my home birth experience)

Several people have asked if I'd share the story of Ellie Mae's home birth and my overall thoughts on the experience. It seemed like a daunting task because there's so much I could say! But here's what I've come up with.

First, the hard facts: 

Eleanor Mae Jaros was born on Saturday, January 25th (her due date) at 1:50pm on the bathroom floor. She weighed 8lbs, 13oz and was 20in long. Counting from when things started to intensify, I labored for ~16 to 18 hours.

Now, a few words on why we chose home birth. 

If you'd asked me a few years ago what I thought of home birth I'd probably have said something about tree hugging, crunchy granola eating, hippies. I had a fairly negative but uniformed view of it. Of course, many people do their research and still choose to have a hospital birth, but I found that the more I researched (you can spend your entire pregnancy on Google, but I don't recommend it), the more I knew that if I chose a hospital over home birth that it would be a decision made out of unfounded fear.

The reality is, despite the bad press they often get, home births for low risk pregnancies prove to be a safe, if not safer, option than hospital births. The vast majority of births do not result in a medical emergency. And far less unnecessary intervention occurs when you are in a familiar place, surrounded by familiar people, who believe in you and respect your decisions.

Home birth just made sense to me. 

On to the nitty-gritty!

To describe my birth in three words, it was: long, painful, and absolutely beautiful (predominately in hind sight, but beautiful nonetheless).

But here are more words. ;)

I was woken up on Friday morning by contractions. I began to time them and realized they were 10 minutes apart and around 30 seconds long. Kurt wanted to shout it from the roof tops but we decided to keep our mouths shut because we knew they may slow as the day progressed. We were right. But I had my 40 week appointment that afternoon and I was 3cm dilated and experienced a big contraction during the visit. They sent me home with instructions to eat a good meal (to be thrown up later), drink lots of water, and go to bed. The going to bed part didn't happen. Those bad boys kicked in double time as the night went on.

Kurt and I prepared the bed with a waterproof sheet and set up the birthing tub (when they tell you to do a trial run with the tub weeks before, do it!).

I called my doula and midwife at 1am. At this point the contractions were around 5 minutes apart and I was having difficulty talking during them. My doula came over but my midwife told me to call her back at 3 minutes apart. It was around 4am when she and my nurse came. 

The bitter but mostly sweet thing about birthing at home is that you can move around without restraint. I spent time in the shower (where dinner resurfaced), in my birthing tub (seriously so nice!), and yes, walking up and down the stairs. I do remember falling asleep at a couple points. It's amazing how hard your body works in labor; once I fell asleep sitting up.

Looking gooood as a family of three on Ellie's birthday.

The more the memories of pain fade (God's way of getting us to have more babies), the more sweet in-between moments of my labor come back to me. A half-eaten plate of scrambled eggs on the kitchen table, my nurse praying with me in the dim morning light, Kurt reading out affirmations, me telling myself under breath that "this is worth it, this is worth it, she is worth it", people laughing downstairs, Ellie's heartbeat on the doppler. These are moments I'll treasure forever. 

When it came to actually pushing, I again moved around quite a bit. I first pushed on the bed on all fours and then sitting between Kurt's legs as he supported me from behind. Then my nurse very matter of factly told me that I should go push on the toilet. What! She wanted me to walk down the hall and then sit on the hard toilet seat?! Ellie's head was just an inch or so shy of making it's appearance. They helped me down the hall and to my surprise, pushing on the toilet felt the most natural. It was there that I felt Ellie's head. I also felt panic as I realized there was no going back. I had to "push through the pain"...literally. 

I pushed again on all fours on the bathroom floor. Kurt was on all fours in front of me cheering me on. I don't care how many stories you hear of wanting to beat the crud out of husbands during labor, nothing beats a husband's loving support. 

Ellie's head finally came, but her shoulders were stuck. I didn't know, but apparently her head began to turn purple. Before I knew it I was tackled football style to the bathroom floor by my nurse (kudos, Karen!). I felt bewildered and was shaking. They did some maneuver down yonder and woooooosh! There she was on my chest. People say that first moment is like nothing else. And they are right! But I will also admit, I was in pain and my midwife and nurse were doing weird (but normal) things to my stomach! 

I remember thanking everyone in the room profusely, crying, and exclaiming to Kurt "look, look at her face! She has the cutest face! LOOK!"

And there you have it, my and Ellie Mae's birth(ing) story. 

A few things I learned:

• The birth team you choose makes all the difference. My midwifery team of two and nurse knew their stuff! I felt 100x confident in their ability to care for me and Ellie. Their care leading up to, during, and after the birth was top notch. Furthermore, my doula was indispensable to me. I was skeptical about whether doulas are all they're cracked up to be. They are! I did everything she told me to and it helped immensely. The pain was surprisingly manageable. 
• Environment is huge. 
• Believe in yourself and speak words of truth. And surround yourself with people who believe in you too! 
• Preparation is good but it's not everything. I remember being frantic about everything being just right before delivery. The reality is, you'll buy snacks for the birth team and eat half of them. You'll plan to vacuum and it won't happen. And if you're me, you'll buy birthday cake supplies and never bake the birthday cake. Don't ask. On the other hand, I'm sure glad I had that Jello and those postpartum padsicles. 
• Not much beats falling asleep as a family of three in your own bed just hours after delivery. No ugly hospital gown, no pull-out couch for daddy, no beeping machines or stranger nurses checking in.
• God's design is mind-blowing. I can't believe the amazing thing that birth is. That I - and billions of women before and after me - are capable of pushing multiple pound human beings out of our bodies. And then, we produce milk to feed them. And THEN, we heal ourselves! Just think about it. 

Would I consider having another home birth?

There is nothing about my birth experience with Ellie that I believe would have been improved by being at the hospital.

Not even medication.

There was only one point during labor that medication came to mind. That thought was preceded by the unfounded fear that perhaps I'd have to transfer because things seemed to be taking foooorever. It was followed by the realization that medication for my temporary, albeit extreme, pain wasn't worth giving up the luxuries of home.

All in all, if I have another healthy pregnancy, home birth will be my top choice.

My heart is full of gratitude to God and everyone who supported us. What an incredible adventure!

Michaela Rae

Florida Nutshell

The last few weeks have been so full. I finally feel like I can sit down to summarize what's been going on now that we've seen all of our family and celebrated new nephews, birthdays and a wedding.

We just finished visiting Florida and are stopped in Memphis on our way back to the Chicago-area. It was great to have two full weeks of summer-like days with my family in Florida. We sweated it out at my sisters' volleyball games and my dad made hamburgers on the grill. I was able to take Kurt for his first Gulf of Mexico experience at St. George Island and it doesn't get much better than big fluffy clouds, just the right amount of sunshine and an empty beach. We built barricades against the waves, tried to dig up crabs and ate at BJ's - one of three restaurants on the island. We waited for the sunset while I showed him around the historic Apalachicola, a place that to me will always speak of seafood festivals and parades.

My dear friend Kaitlyn got married in Destin this past weekend and it was the best way to end our time in Florida. It was such a fun wedding to be part of, not to mention one of the most beautiful I've ever attended. Everything about it was "so Kaitlyn": thoughtful, creative and yet classic and put-together. The best part though was witnessing their love and seeing it translate in every detail. These are photos my sister Lindsey, who was also a bridesmaid, captured. They perfectly capture the joyeous atmosphere and loveliness of the wedding:

This photo by Sarah Ashley Peters

A photo of us from my camera.

Now for finding jobs and a place to call home. :-P

Michaela Rae

Adventures in Sweden

I've been MIA because Kurt and I spent six days in Sweden this last week. What a beautiful place! I'm so excited to share photos from our time. The trip was different than most because for one, we stayed with family. Although I haven't spent much time with my aunt Rhonda, uncle Sven and cousin Ellinor over the years (for obvious reasons), staying with them in their pretty Swedish home was like experiencing a little piece of my home. Nearly every wall and coffee table held Florida memorabilia - photos of historic Apalachicola homes, a jar of seashells from St. George Island, even a couple of framed photos by my sister. The trip was also really relaxing. We went on walks by the water and spent time on my aunt's porch, soaking up rays and reading. I found Being Martha on a bookshelf and let myself become thoroughly inspired. I didn't miss the city life at all.

We did explore Norrköping, Söderköping and Stockholm though. Söderköping and Old Town, Stockholm were my favorite. I love cities on water. Söderköping had a river, scattered with sail boats, running through it, and Stockholm spans over 14 islands. They were both pretty magical places. I also couldn't get enough of the Swedish colors and architecture.

I want to share more photos but it's time to get back into the swing of things here in London. I hope you all have had a wonderful week. Adventure on!

Michaela Rae

Wedding Reflections | We're in this Together!

I used to fantasize about the moment I'd walk down the aisle and see my sweet fiancé waiting to become my husband. I'd wonder about his face, whether he'd be smiling or crying. To be totally honest though, I can't remember what face my soon-to-be husband was making (that's what photographers are for!). What I do remember, is something I cherish beyond the words I can provide here. I remember being overwhelmed with the realization that I was loved. Not only by the man waiting for me, but by everyone gathered to witness our marriage. Never in my life had all the people I cared most about been in one place, for me. As soon as I saw their smiling faces everything began to go blurry amid tears. I was expecting Kurt's love, I wasn't expecting so much love from everyone else. Until you've walked the aisle, it's hard to comprehend how special and rare that feeling is.

As I'm sure the majority of engaged couples do, Kurt and I talked about eloping...a lot. And I think the idea became more and more appealing as the wedding drew closer. When you're dropping money like it's nobody's business and feeling the pressure to make different people happy all at once (yourself being the toughest to please), I think it's natural. It's true that in the end what really counts is saying your vows, but I also realized having family and friends witness those vows is extremely important too.

Having friends and family there set the stage for the rest of our marriage; it was a public declaration saying, "Hey, you guys are in this with us!" We desperately need community and the accountability that comes with it, and that doesn't end with marriage. Kurt and my marriage isn't perfect, and it never will be. We'll always need encouragement, confrontation and maybe some day the reminder that you witnessed our decision and are ready to hold us to it. We'd be crazy to try doing this on our own.

Sometimes we feel alone, especially being across the Atlantic and all, but whenever I think back on our big day I'm reminded that I could call any number of people and they'd be there to help. I'm so thankful that our marriage started with that incredible reminder that we are loved and supported.

You can probably expect more posts this month about marriage and our first year, just bear with me! ;)

Michaela Rae

Photos by Woodland Fields Photography

Mommy's Cookies

Yesterday I was writhing in bed thinking I was going to die (Kurt's still poking fun at my dramatics) and today I'm skipping along with productivity having a grand ol time. I love quick turn arounds. I'm also loving the rain the last few days. The patter on our skylight makes for a cozy backdrop for everything I do.

Tonight we're hosting life group again and I decided to make my family's infamous Mommy's Cookies. Growing up I thought we'd come up with the recipe, and although now I'm certain we didn't, they were made so frequently we might as well have. They're seriously the best thing ever. Just making them brings back fond memories...mainly of me sneaking into the fridge for a spoonful or three of the leftover dough (my mother always doubled the recipe).

Ingredients:

1 1/2 sticks (3/4 cups) butter, softened

1/2 cup white sugar

1 cup brown sugar, packed

2 eggs

1/4 cup water

1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

2 cups flour

1 3/4 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda

3 cups old-fashioned oats

1 pk semi-sweet chocolate chips

3/4 cups coconut (optional)

In a large bowl mix softened (but not melted) butter, sugar, eggs, water, vanilla, brown and white sugar. Blend until there are no large clumps of butter left.

Add the flour, salt and soda on top and cream everything together. I'm often tempted to call it quits at this point because the dough is so delicious, but what awaits is even better.

If you want, stir in the coconut at this point. I prefer less coconut so I add 1/2 cup instead of 3/4. 

Stir in the oats with a wooden spoon for a good arm workout. 

Mix in the chocolate chips. 

On a baking sheet place one inch balls of dough 1.5 inches apart. Bake at 350°F (175°C). Be sure not to over cook these bad boys. Take them out while they still look slightly undercooked and once they set they'll be perfectly moist. In my oven they take approximately 10-15 minutes.

Enjoy with a glass of cold milk. :-)

Michaela Rae

Hospitality

"Home" is often used to refer to the place where we live or grew up - whether house, city or country. But today when I began to reflect on what "home" means to me, I realized it's also much greater than simply that. Home is where I belong, not temporarily, but permanently. And when I think of home in that light, it changes everything, especially my idea of hospitality.

Christians often talk about helping bring God's Kingdom, that place where we belong, on earth. And although hospitality is a new endeavor for me, I think my home is a good place to start.

The idea of being hospitable can be pretty intimidating. My gut instinct is to go into perfectionist mode - cleaning, baking, fluffing pillows! But that's not what hospitality is about (although, it's certainly part). Hospitality's about creating a physical place and atmosphere that resembles our eternal home. A place of friends, safety and rest. It's definitely not a place created by fake perfection. Rather, authenticity, vulnerability and worthiness help establish and maintain it. I don't know about you, but I definitely want those things to resinate in my home.

My most cherished memories are of feeling at home with brothers and sisters. Those times in college when we talked on comfy couches late into the night about any and everything. Conversations where we didn't hold back. We put ourselves, along with our deepest questions and concerns, on the table. We were honest and felt safe in it. We also weren't consumed with how often our glass was being filled or when the ceiling fan was last dusted (although those things are nice).

And isn't real fellowship one of the things that makes Christianity most appealing? That we could be fully known and still loved? Isn't it the desire we all share down deep? Isn't it the reason we blog, go to church or invite people over to begin with? And if not, isn't it what we want our reason to be?

Hospitality is at the core of Christianity. And it's not just for married women. It's for all of us, single or married, male or female, rich or poor, fancy home or tiny flat. Why? Because God's Kingdom was created for all of us and should be ushered in by us.

Michaela Rae
P.S. Last week I added Kurt and my love story here. Just incase you're in a sappy mood. ;)

Week One, Full of Gratitude

My heart is full of gratitude for this week and for the year ahead. I love the feelings a new year brings of hope, anticipation and gratitude. A fresh outlook for a fresh start. As it has been for a couple years now, my goal is to be more intentional in 2012. Especially in the department of gratitude. So here are a few things that've blessed me this week.

Kurt and I took Monday to explore a new borough, something we love to do. We traveled North West to Richmond. A beautiful borough on the Thames, so unique and different from Wimbledon. It was cold but clear and bright - an extremely rare day. We wandered the historic streets and string-lit alleyways peeking in thrift stores and cafes. It gets me every time,  that renewed sense of wonder and excitement for being here and experiencing everything. I loved every minute of our exploration. Even the 7.5 mile walk home through Richmond Park, where we saw 16 deer peacefully lying, and Wimbledon Common, where we got our feet stuck in fresh mud and I screamed at a stick across the path that looked strangely like a snake (don't judge me I'm from Florida). Kurt told me I should name this blog post "There and Back Again, a Jaros Tale," I thought it a bit dramatic, but then again, I'm often that.

My sister Lindsey takes the best pictures. I love how soft and dreamy they are. It just so happens that she had the best subjects this week too - my two nephews. I just want to melt with every photo. I'm sure my sister Alicia will share some of these on her blog, so I don't want to steal all the fun, but I had to share some. I miss my family and I'm super grateful for every drop of closeness I can feel, even via photos.

Today I found the sweet memories of Kurt and my engagement a blessing as well. Again, major props to my sister for taking these photos (see them all here). She had flown from Florida to California to be there for our engagement and hid in the bushes taking photos until he proposed. The weekend we spent with her thereafter was such a blast. I love reflecting on how far Kurt and I have come and all the exciting times we've shared. Our trip to San Francisco and our engagement there are some of my favorite times. But it's amazing how much more in love we are now than we were then. Marriage is good for that. 

What's blessed your first week of 2012? Have any adventures? You can link them up here.

Michaela Rae

Here's to 2011, Here's to 2012!

"Not only are we harried by time, we seem unable, despite a thousand generations, even to get used to it. We are always amazed at it - how fast it goes, how slowly it goes, how much of it is gone. Where, we cry, has the time gone? We aren’t adapted to it, not at home in it. If that is so, it may appear as a proof, or at least a powerful suggestion, that eternity exists and is our home.” 

- Sheldon Vanauken

Isn't it true? Here we are, the last day of a year, and once again I can't believe how quickly time has gone. 2011 has meant so much to me and always will. It's hard to sit down and conger up a fitting post to sum the year up - there are so many memories. The two most obvious being that I married my best friend in May and then moved to London in September. It's not every year that those sort of things happen. 2011 will also stick with me because it was the year I lost my first grandparent. Papa Toot was quiet and gentle and always kind. A really loving and generous man. Although 2011 marks the year we lost him, it also marks an extra year we had him; he lived two years longer than the doctors predicted. As of two nights ago, 2011 also meant new life in my family, my new baby nephew entered the world. I'm a happy auntie x2 now. :-) Here's to 2011!

I love all the ways the year pushed me to live fully - whether in great joy, sadness, change or hectic times - I've learned to love a little bit more. Here's to going forward in growth and never going back. Here's to 2012! I hope you all have a most blessed night and day tomorrow reflecting on all the things God has done for you and anticipating the year ahead.

Michaela Rae

A Very Merry Christmas!

I hope you all had a very merry and bright Christmas, full of joy, peace, laughter and family. Mine was wonderful!

When my hubby and I first woke up, it was so quiet we wondered if the rapture had taken place. No bus running on the street below, hardly a car or person anywhere to be seen. It was glorious. I'm fairly certain we'll never experience another day here so quiet. We spent the morning eating a tasty breakfast casserole I'd prepared the night before, opening gifts (several packages all the way from the States) and watching classic Christmas movies, most of which I hadn't seen. Later we went on a long walk to admire the silent city, ate more food and Skyped with our families. My kind of day!

The season seems to be passing so quickly. I want to hang on a couple more weeks, just to make more paper snowflakes, bake another two or three desserts (you can get away with it this time of year) and write the four Christmas cards I never got around to.

But alas, we still have the new year to look forward too. And boy is there a lot to look forward too! Bring on the less-crazy work days, new baby nephew, Europe travels and continued learning in love for the Savior and friends.

More goodies: "Home is where the heart is" pic & frame, scratch map, jam made by my sister & One Thousand Gifts.

How was your Christmas? And what are you looking forward to in the new year?

Michaela Rae

Beating Homesickness {even Christmas week}

Perhaps you're in my situation, you're thousands of miles away from the place you call home this week of Christmas. If you're feeling a bit blue, even amidst the music, lights, food and laughter around you, hear you these tips. These things are helping me stay in the Christmas spirit this year; I hope they help you too. :-)

Handwritten Letters
One of my favorite ways to feel close to the ones I love is to write them. Not only does writing help ease the homesickness, it'll also bring joy to someone else. Even Christmas cards do the trick. It's equally as great when you get them in return. When I see a letter waiting for me with a familiar American stamp my day is permanently brightened.

Familiar Food
Baking my family's favorite Mommy's Cookies recipe, or my mom's creamy Chicken Pot Pie, puts me right at home (when I don't want to cook Papa John's does too). To make it extra awesome, I like to bake a favorite and then share it with my new friends here. That way I have an excuse to tell them about my family and hear about theirs.

Explore
Exploring is one of the absolute best ways to get out of a homesick funk. "I need a scenery change," is all I have to say,and Kurt knows exactly what I mean. Going somewhere new, even if that means catching the tube to a borough a few stops away, helps me live in the now and remember how blessed I am to be here. This week Kurt and I went to Winter Wonderland, perhaps the single most crowded place in London, with oodles of screaming children and wonderful smells of mulled wine and smoked chorizo, all enjoyed while freezing our limbs numb. We also experienced Carols by Candlelight, a beautiful concert at the Royal Albert Hall (Kurt's favorite event of the season). Works wonders I tell you!

Be Honest
Be honest with yourself and with others about your homesickness - chances are you're not alone. Even if you are "alone," sharing will help you feel understood. When I've been honest about what I'm experiencing everyone's responded with lots of love and support. Not only that, but just admitting to myself that I'm missing familiarity helps me accept my situation and move on.

Do you have any tips to add? If you're spending the holidays away from home, I'd love to hear about where you are and why. You're not alone!

Michaela Rae

Thanksgiving in England

My family gathered at long tables, a fire blazing (always huge, no matter the Florida weather), lots of laughter and feeling like I'll bust at the seams - these are my most common Thanksgiving memories. Needless to say, this Thanksgiving was very different - my first away from family (besides Kurt) and in another country. Kurt and I definitely made the most of it though.

I requested the day off and we went into central London in the morning to meet up with our friend AJ from SoCal (and his entire family later on). We first visited Sacred Cafe, a kiwi cafe introduced to us by our kiwi friends, wandered through shops, had lunch at O'Neills, and then ate an incredible Thanksgiving meal at Bodean's BBQ. Turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, root beer - the whole 9 yards. If it weren't for some conversation about life in London, I would have completely forgotten where I was. I felt so at home - there was even American football playing in the background. When we got home, I even got to Skype with my entire family back home.

I woke up today feeling so refreshed. A little taste (more like a big one) of home goes a long way. And I was reminded of how blessed I am to be here. I'm learning and experiencing new things every day.

How was your Thanksgiving? Did you go shopping today? After work I started making ornaments! Here's my first:

MJ

Great Lakes Beach Trip

What a fun & productive weekend!

Saturday Claire and I went to a rubber stamp workshop at the Paper Source in Oak Brook. I loved learning all of the different stamping techniques and I bought a few things afterward so I can emboss now. I shouldn't be adding to my crafting supplies but I know I'll put them to use when writing letters and postcards to family and friends.

After church on Sunday Kurt and I went with his parents to Racine Beach in Wisconsin - my first Great Lakes beach trip. I was definitely impressed by the cool water and big sandy beaches, but I still stand by Florida beaches as the best, with California beaches a close second. It just wasn't the same without the salty oceanside smell I love and wind that keeps the bugs away. It was also strange, in a cool sort of way, to have the sun shining from behind me while on the beach.

I enjoyed my new book, The Mom Factor, while lying on the beach. It caught my eye in the church bookstore yesterday and I've hardly put it down since. It explores how moms shape you as a child and continue to influence you as an adult. It focuses on the correlation between how she handled your needs growing up and who you are today. It's fascinating and I highly recommend giving it a read.

Kurt and I spent nearly 4 hours in Bed Bath & Beyond today. Talk about exhausting! We bought $400 worth of things with giftcards & our 10% off registry coupon. It took forever because we were strategizing for things to take to London. We found a lot of collapsable kitchenware that will work perfectly. My favorite items of the day are a cherry patterned apron and Magic Bullet! I've wanted one of those things ever since they came out.

Michaela Rae

Downers Grove

Downers Grove is growing on me by the day. I'm not sure why so much this trip by comparison to all my other visits (perhaps it's the cool August weather, thunder storms, little wild bunnies that live in the front yard bushes or the lush greenery all around me), but it just is. Perhaps all our traipsing around the US is beginning to bring the nester out of me as well. Although we're gearing up for London and are really excited, part of me longs to settle down in a place like this and call it a day.

Friday and Saturday we held a legit yard sale. We made over $600! Now we can go shopping to spruce up our wardrobes for London. This morning I went to my first Jazzercise class with Kurt's mom. I'm not going to lie, I fell in love. It's high time I start getting back in shape. Just earlier we went to the local YMCA for a free community dinner/games/crafting time, then Kurt and I went for a walk in a near by park. *sigh* I'm getting spoiled.

On top of it all, one of the things I've enjoyed most is exploring this house. Kurt's family is known for holding on to things and I've found all sorts of treasures: beautiful jewelry that belonged to his grandmother, old cookbooks, dishes, pictures, color movie film, books & the list goes on. Kurt's mom has let me hold on to some of it too.

Culdesac yard sale fun!

Bowling night with friends

Basement treasures

Sailboat necklace that was Kurt's grandmother's

Michaela Rae

P.S. I opened an Etsy shop! http://www.etsy.com/shop/michaelarae14