Sharing on Life Abroad

Today I'm over on Chelsea's blog, Lost in Travels, sharing about a couple ways that living abroad shaped my perspective. I feel really honored to share on her blog because she and her husband are the definition of an adventurous couple (or "life long honeymooners", as she calls it). They currently live in Korea and Chelsea shares all about their life there on her blog. I'll forever have admiration for anyone who moves abroad, but I especially admire people like Chelsea, who choose to look on the bright side and share all of the wonderful things they learn and experience as expats.

Head on over to read my post and to say hello!

In other news, Kurt and I have been taking in Autumn in the midwest. It's a spectacular thing. We went to a huge Pumpkin Festival this past weekend, it was really my first legit fall festival. There were 35,000 jack-o-lanterns and it was beautiful.

Michaela Rae

Thoughts Lately

via

I've been avoiding the social media world the last few weeks. I needed a break, partly because I'm weary of the political strife, but mainly because time needs to be spent elsewhere. I've been working on home projects with my mother-in-law, reorganizing Kurt and my belongings, job hunting and reading books that've sat far too long. Big moves and transitions make one thing apparent: life moves quickly. More than ever I want to spend it wisely.

I recently read a blog post by someone I greatly respect, he spoke of the importance of being engaged in life. He questioned "what it means to remain observant and present in a world of such overwhelming fragmentation and distraction", and it really struck a cord with me. How often I realize that I spent more time engaging with content on Facebook, a blog or my phone than the very people in front of me or the beauty surrounding me in literature, nature or even a good plate of food.

I want to engage life in such a way that I'm being fed, deep down - physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'm learning too, that only then do I have anything worthwhile to share here on this blog or anywhere, for that matter. So if I'm more quiet, it's because I'm trying to learn the balance of engagement. I want to relish my first autumn in the midwest, read more than I write and invite people over for dinner (in the home we hope to have soon).

Michaela Rae

Obedience > Emotion

This week I've been convicted of relying on emotional motivation to act like the Christian I claim to be.

Perhaps my charismatic upbringing taught me that emotion should be the force that drives me to action. Or maybe humans are just like that because obedience is something you learn and have to practice while emotion comes naturally.

Although there's nothing intrinsically wrong with having an emotion drive you to something, we all know our emotions can be faulty. They all to often drive us in the wrong direction and some emotions tend to trump other good ones. I can't count the number of times fear has overcome my feelings of compassion or joy. That's why I've never been an advocate of the phrase "follow your heart." All it really means is do whatever you feel like at the moment, even if it's a horrendous relational or financial mistake. I don't even want to think what my life would be like if I lived by that motto. But I guess that brings me to my realization, many days I get lazy, rebellious and fearful and I do live by it.

Surely, I'm not alone in this. At some point we've all identified with Paul in Romans 7, "What I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do".

I don't want a heartbreaking news article about a woman killing her 20 week old twins to be what wakes me up to the hurting around me. It shouldn't take a Vimeo movie set to moving music to ignite compassion in me. But how often it does and then one of two things happen: I'm entirely unprepared in helping or I simply wait for another emotion to distract me so that I don't have to deal with it.

Tonight I'm asking myself questions about obedience and I'm wondering what my life would look like if I practiced more of it. And quite frankly, I'm intimidated. I feel like I'm at the starting line and I have no idea how far until the finish. I don't know what types of hurdles are ahead or who will be there to cheer me on.

I want the Church to be there. Not cheering from the stands, but as they jump the hurdles with me. Rain or shine, PMS or health, we can help one another in making our life motto this:

"I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me —the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace." Acts 20:24

Michaela Rae

On Consumption Control and Living Fully

by Matthew Taylor Wilson

Yesterday I sat on my couch for several hours feeling pretty low. It kind of caught me by surprise, especially because I just spent a fun filled week with a visiting friend. I was just resting and doing a few things online when it dawned on me: I feel like crap.

I'm sure other women (and possibly men, if any dare to read my blog), can identify with me when I say that mood-swings can be mind-boggling. Why was I feeling good an hour ago and now I want to hide for a week?

Since moving here, the mood-swings seem more prevalent, which doesn't really surprise me, given the new adjustments and that I miss home, but it still annoys me. Sometimes I view emotion as weakness (working on that) and even when I don't, I still like to have self-control and not be thrown around by how I feel.

I decided to figure out why I was having this mood-swing. I did the whole trace-the-conversation-back-to-see-how-we-got-here thing, and in a matter of seconds I had it pegged.

Social media.
Facebook.
Photos.
Blogs.
Browsing.

And coupled with them all: poor self-talk.

I think it's kind of ironic that I ended my last blog post by saying I wouldn't be throwing myself any more pity parties, because that's exactly what this was.

I was viewing snippets of people's lives and feeling sorry for myself. Even if people don't share things with the intention of saying, "hey look, I have it all, and I have it all together." it's still really easy to take that away. I can't blame people for posting positive things online, I sure prefer it over constant complaining, but I can choose to control the amount of happy-go-lucky content I consume.

Why? Because it's not (total) reality. And God knows, we humans tend to take things at face value and not think critically about what we consume. And when that happens we compare ourselves to others. And then we have mood-swings.

Furthermore, if I'm too busy following the lives of others, I won't live my own. I want to be so busy living life and loving others that I barely have time to read blogs or pin pictures. Isn't that what God's called us to? A full life? A full life of our own.

I feel self-concious writing this post, but I'm going out on a limb and assuming I'm probably not alone in this. Perhaps this will come as an encouragement to you.

You are not alone. What you are doing matters. Even if you don't have a job. Or you can't go on mommy-daughter dates. Or you aren't on the mission field. Or you don't eat organic. Especially if you're a stay-at-home mom.

You are highly valuable and always, completely loved for who you are.

Michaela Rae

First Year Anniversary

Today Kurt and I are celebrating one year of marriage, and what a year it's been!

I often say I'm thankful for how we've spent our first year because if there's one we're learning, it's how to lean on one another. We're becoming a pretty good team by traveling and living in a new culture. It's taught us what's important and how to cling to it. We're also just having a lot of fun. I'd be lying if I said this first year wasn't, in many ways, like one big honeymoon.

Favorite memories from our first year include:
❤  Living in an Extended Stay hotel room for 6 weeks.
❤  Driving cross-country, twice.
❤  Traveling Ireland and falling in love with it.
❤  Driving on the "wrong side" of the road.
❤  Dancing the Night Club Two-step in our living room.
❤  Eating a lot of PB&Js.
❤  Our first Christmas, away from home and family, but together.
❤  Eating seafood in Savannah, GA.
❤  Our valentines getaway to Bath.
❤  Racing each other across state lines.
❤  Smack talking over walkie-talkies as we raced across state lines.
❤  Realizing we both fart and accepting it.
❤  Birthday trip to Yosemite and King's Canyon.





Michaela Rae

Sunday Reflections on Church

Old Church in Dunlap, Missouri, via Robert Huffstutter 

I grew up in a hippy home church. Well, that's how I like to describe it. Just a handful of us coming together to sing hand-clapping, foot-stomping, praise songs. I learned so much from growing up in the home church environment and from an early age, I understood what living a Christian life was and how to do it practically.

When I moved to California in 2010, Kurt and I began looking for a church to attend together. Besides a youth group I'd attended at another church, it was my first time venturing away from my non-denominational home church roots. It was tough for me. I quickly discovered that my biggest battle was against my own judgementalness (why isn't that word?).

I found myself sitting in church with tears running down my face, mainly out of my own frustration with not knowing how to process the experience. I'd never recited the Nicene or Apostles' Creed, only sung a handful of hymns and didn't understand why pastors wore robes. But that wasn't the main thing I noticed; I noticed that I despised these things even though I'd never experienced them and didn't understand them. Perhaps I despised them for those very reasons.

I was also frustrated at myself for allowing church to be the place I was most judgmental. Why did I categorize so much of what I saw as "silly"? Was I just insecure about my lack of knowledge or did I really think deep-down that something about these things was wrong?

I've come to realize it was a lot of the first and a little of the latter.

I started, as many non-believers do, at the beginning: by doing research to discover the reasoning behind the things the church does and whether there's truth to them. I'm still not a fan of pastors wearing robes or Christians wearing their denomination's symbol as a pin on their Sunday best, but I have grown to love and appreciate many other aspects of a more traditional church. 

Hymns, for example, have revolutionized my Christian walk. I still have difficulty singing them and wish I didn't have to rely so heavily on the hymnal, but that's nothing in light of how they've impacted my life over the last two years.

I love that hymns don't try to match our ever-changing culture. They weren't created to please the young person or draw non-believers in, they were written to bring glory and honor to Whom it's due. Reading hymn lyrics and learning the stories behind them has really taught me to love them. They are so rich and have much to offer musically, lyrically and historically. Their beauty resembles the beauty of the King I serve, their lyrics speak deep Christian truths and their history reminds me of the body of Christ that I'm part of. Trust and Obey, Be Still My Soul and Abide With Me, are three of my favorites.

I'm not exactly sure why I sat down to write this post. I suppose I wanted to say that being judgmental really stunts spiritual growth. I'm still learning this daily, but I'm so happy I am. And I also want to say, that despite many failings on the church's part throughout history, that there's still a lot to be proud of and to learn from it. We shouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water when it comes to tradition. We're a part of something bigger than ourselves - an eternal community - that's rich and powerful.

Michaela Rae

I Married a Visionary, What Now?

I love and often aspire to my husband's enthusiasm for life. I think it's one of the most attractive traits a person can possess. I often tell Kurt he's like a little kid, he finds awe in the simple beautiful things in life, things I often overlook. He's also never short on ideas. One week he's talking about moving to South Haven, Michigan to start a Bible college and the next he's google mapping the best location to open a Subway restaurant. On the radar this week? Having an orchard. This one's my personal favorite. When I asked Kurt if he was ok with me writing this post, he said, "Yeah of course, maybe someone will want to invest." (I have no idea which project he was referring to.)

I've heard it said, that the very things you fall in love with can often become the ones that rub you the wrong way. And over this first year of marriage I've found that saying true at times. Amid Kurt's excitement for life and its possibilities, I've found myself trying to take on the roll of bringing earth to Kurt. I haven't enjoyed it, but I've felt it necessary for some reason. After all, life isn't rainbows and butterflies all the time. There's possible failure around every corner. Right?

Yikes, well that reveals a little too much about me. Let's go there anyway. Yes, I'm one of those people who's too hard on themselves. Sometimes I'm so afraid of failure that I don't even try. Thinking on this, I'm reminded of the Martha and Mary story in the Bible. The problem wasn't that Martha wanted to cook Jesus a nice meal, it was that she thought it'd be the end of the world if the bread was burnt. My point is, I too often mistake the tree for the forest.

Thankfully, I've been blessed enough to marry a man who loves the forest and he's always trying to find a new tree to climb.

So this week I've been asking myself some pointed questions. Do I trust God? Do I trust my husband? Do I believe God wants us to enjoy life? Will it be the end of the world if a business venture fails? What does it mean to "build each other up"? What is my role as Kurt's wife?

One thing's become clear: I need to relax. It isn't my job to be Kurt's disciplinary. That's God's job and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want me to usurp it. Certainly Kurt and I should hold each other accountable, but we should also encourage and spur each other on! That's when we flourish. That's why marriage is so beautiful, it's about partnership and commitment even in the face of failure. It's a reminder of Jesus's commitment to us.

Jesus didn't come to earth, die for our sins and promise us eternal life for us to sit on our couch all day, too afraid to adventure. He's called us to climb trees, to have a child-like spirit, and to believe in ourselves. God likes it when we take risks.

Kurt pinching my button nose as he always does.

Michaela Rae

Wedding Reflections | We're in this Together!

I used to fantasize about the moment I'd walk down the aisle and see my sweet fiancé waiting to become my husband. I'd wonder about his face, whether he'd be smiling or crying. To be totally honest though, I can't remember what face my soon-to-be husband was making (that's what photographers are for!). What I do remember, is something I cherish beyond the words I can provide here. I remember being overwhelmed with the realization that I was loved. Not only by the man waiting for me, but by everyone gathered to witness our marriage. Never in my life had all the people I cared most about been in one place, for me. As soon as I saw their smiling faces everything began to go blurry amid tears. I was expecting Kurt's love, I wasn't expecting so much love from everyone else. Until you've walked the aisle, it's hard to comprehend how special and rare that feeling is.

As I'm sure the majority of engaged couples do, Kurt and I talked about eloping...a lot. And I think the idea became more and more appealing as the wedding drew closer. When you're dropping money like it's nobody's business and feeling the pressure to make different people happy all at once (yourself being the toughest to please), I think it's natural. It's true that in the end what really counts is saying your vows, but I also realized having family and friends witness those vows is extremely important too.

Having friends and family there set the stage for the rest of our marriage; it was a public declaration saying, "Hey, you guys are in this with us!" We desperately need community and the accountability that comes with it, and that doesn't end with marriage. Kurt and my marriage isn't perfect, and it never will be. We'll always need encouragement, confrontation and maybe some day the reminder that you witnessed our decision and are ready to hold us to it. We'd be crazy to try doing this on our own.

Sometimes we feel alone, especially being across the Atlantic and all, but whenever I think back on our big day I'm reminded that I could call any number of people and they'd be there to help. I'm so thankful that our marriage started with that incredible reminder that we are loved and supported.

You can probably expect more posts this month about marriage and our first year, just bear with me! ;)

Michaela Rae

Photos by Woodland Fields Photography

Reminiscing about Argentina

Today it dawned on me that this time three years ago I was packing my bags for a nine week internship in Argentina. What a crazy adventure that was! It's funny to look back and see how it helped prepare me for where I am now. Before Argentina, I hadn't flown on a plane in over 10 years and didn't even own a passport. Little did I know I'd fly over 30 times in the following year and then move across the country to California. Little did I know I'd get married and then move across the Atlantic.

Homemade tortellini

I lived with an incredible missionary couple and was able to see what their life was like day-to-day. I'd always put missionary work on a pedestal, but I quickly realized how unglamorous it really is. It was amazing though to see how they poured out their lives for the people around them, even if it meant personal sacrifices left and right. 

I worked with a recovery ministry there and learned so much about abuse and healing. I went during my third year in college and was so used to just thinking about myself and my own survival, it was such an eye-opening experience learning about abuse and its effects. I also learned what it's like to feel truly lonely for the first time and what culture shock is. That sounds depressing, and it kind of was, but it helped me grow in many ways. I had countless hours to examine my heart and confront areas of hurt in my life (working with an abuse ministry helped). These things have played a huge roll in my life since. 

I look back on 2009 as a year that was really tough for me, but that was also one of my best, because I grew so much. I kept a blog during my time there too, you can see it here.

Have you had a year like this in your life? One that stands out above the rest as a year of growth?

Michaela Rae

P.S. Thank you for the feedback on my last blog. I really appreciated it and was encouraged to share more of me here on the blog.

Healthy Outlets

Via

Although I enjoy blogging and social media in general, sometimes I'm weirded out by the online world and am tempted to delete everything. Recently, it's the amount of negativity on the internet that's got me feeling that way. Perhaps it's because I'm dealing with my own stuff and hearing others vent or spew opinions is more overwhelming. Or maybe I'm venturing into cyber territory I don't want to be in, that of negative bloggers, tweeters or Facebook friends. I'm working to figure it out.

It's made me think though, about how I utilize or don't utilize the online world.

I was talking to a friend recently about some of the struggles of living in London and she pointed out that she wouldn't have guessed things were hard from reading my blog. It's true, I namely share positive things here, but things are never perfect. It hasn't been my goal to paint a false picture of how things are, I've just decided my blog isn't where I want to bear all or vent. I'm not confident that it'd actually help and I'm even less confident that it'd be helpful to other's. It's impossible to first gauge where people are at and know if they're prepared to hear or help. But I know we all need outlets of some sort.

Growing up my outlet was journaling. I have so many journals, even from six, seven and eight years old. I also found solace in nature. I grew up in the country so it was easy to escape into the woods or a nearby field (something I wish I could still do, darn city life!). In college I woke up early to be by myself, pray, etc., or I'd go to the gym. Recently, I've had Kurt to help me work through things, a therapist at times (scary, I know), and I go on lots of walks.

It's been crucial for me to learn healthy ways to process because I don't easily trust people with my feelings and I'm often tempted to keep things bottled up. I've tried a lot of things though, I guess I thought I needed five different outlets or something, but I realize now that I shouldn't have outlets just for the sake of having them. It isn't productive. I have to find the one or two that are realistic for me and helpful.

I'm curious, what are your healthy outlets?

I'm sure if you're a Christian, we can agree that there's always comfort and encouragement found in God's Word and in prayer. That's huge. What are some other practical ways that help you process? Do you use your blog? Why or why not?

Michaela Rae

We're All a Little Afraid of Ourselves

I'll be honest, for all this talk of adventure, I'm not that adventurous. At least not on my own. I always prefer to do things with someone, and if there's no one, I often opt to stay home. It's silly and lame but true. Fortunately I'm married and have a go-to companion whenever I'm itching to see and do. Yesterday though, I decided to explore London alone (something I've only done twice). I loved every minute of it; it was good to remind myself that fear is always unnecessary and that things done on your own can still be fun.

I hadn't been to Covent Garden so it was my first stop. I loved how lively it was even on a weekday, music and all shorts of food and clothing booths. The delicious smells were killing me so I decided to find a bakery that I've been wanting to visit ever since I started following them on Twitter last year.

The little corner Primrose Bakery was all abuzz with tea, cakes and cuteness. I was bummed that all the tables were taken but opted for two takeaway cupcakes, Lavender and Lemon.

I sat in Caffe Nero with a chai latte and did what I've learned the last couple of years is important: got to know myself. On the surface it seems kind of selfish, but I'm realizing that it's possibly one of the most selfless things a person can do. Thinking about who I am and asking the questions that normally I'd drown out with music, blogs, cleaning or really anything available, is eye opening and a necessary step in becoming who I was created to be. In a society where our reflex is "I'm doing well, how are you?" being left to our thoughts can be frightening and painful. And you know you need to be when you're afraid to turn things off - when the idea of a closed laptop and silence seems too much to bear.

Riding home I simply sat. I didn't pick up the newspaper beside me (they're trash anyway), read the book in my bag, play on the iPhone or put earbuds in. I sat and stopped drowning out the uncomfortable. The smelly man beside me, the couple making out a few seats over, me. And in that packed car, I was one of three people who were willing to do that.

I think we're all a little afraid of ourselves and we'd rather not admit it.

But I also think, with yesterday as proof, that facing our fears is the first step to overcoming them.

"There is no fear where love exists. Rather, perfect love banishes fear, for fear involves punishment, and the person who lives in fear has not been perfected in love." 1 John 4:18 ISV

Michaela Rae

This post is linked up to Try New Adventures Thursday. Link your adventures up every week!